For the Love of the Husband
The biggest kid in my house is my husband. Every single married woman will agree to this statement. The man you want to throttle on a daily basis but at the same time pray for his long life every day.
Traditionally there are many rituals and prayers that the woman does for the long and healthy life of her husband. The feminist scoff at them while the traditionals swear by their importance. Let us not get into that debate at all. Maybe it works maybe it doesn’t.
Let us look at this from another perspective. My husband’s physical and mental health is important to me. Chiefly because a sick husband is a nightmare to handle ;-). But on a serious note, is there something I can do to ensure a happy and a healthy man?
Now there are millions of advertisements on television which talk about the type of oil to the type of soap that can keep your man healthy. Let us not focus on those. Let us focus on the ‘happy’ and mentally healthy hubby. Are there any tricks that can ensure that my man remains sane?
The healthy wife trick: I have said this before and I will continue to say this. Only a healthy woman can have a healthy man. You can’t make your family healthy by ruining your health. I have seen many women not eat the vegetable they cooked because it was ‘not enough’ or eating stale food and giving the husband ‘fresh’ roti. Why? Isn’t marriage about sharing? You not eating good, fresh and healthy food and subsequently developing health problems will not improve his life. You can’t manage the house and the husband without being a healthy wife.
The partner wife trick: Marriage is a partnership and not a competition. I have seen many couples compete with each other over trivial matters. “He goes out with his friends twice a week so I need to do it too?” This from a woman who does not enjoy going out. Why do we need to compete for sleeping hours, number of clothes, amount of money spent and earned, time spent with the kid, household chores etc etc? “The division of labour needs to be equal” argued a woman. Yes, so does it mean that he fold 10 clothes and you fold the remaining 10. Or does it simple mean that you share work? Choose and divide the work rather than insisting that he do the same work that you do because ‘it should be equal’. Marriage means moving forward together and not trying to out do each other.
The non Catch 22 wife trick: Most of us love testing our husbands by asking trick questions. The one’s where he is doomed if he says yes and doomed if he says no. One woman insisted on asking her husband’s approval for the kind of clothes she wore and then complained that he disapproved of her wearing western clothes :-0. Poor guy then started saying ‘it’s nice’ to every bit of clothing. He was then accused of ‘not even looking at me properly’. Avoid questions like these which act like a mouse trap. If you ask for an opinion learn to accept it or else don’t bother.
The degrees of comparison trick: “Is she prettier than me”, “do I cook better than your mother”, “who do you love the most in the world”. No worse form of psychological torture. These can guarantee panic attacks in the husband. Spare the guy, how does he honestly answer such questions?
The non calculating wife trick: If you ask a married man what he hate most in life I am sure the answer would be “ I have done so much for you” statement. Making him count his blessing every day, forcing him to realize that marrying you was better that winning gold is so unnecessary. If you have to force someone to appreciate you then it is not worth it. Getting married was a conscious decision let it not be seen as a favour to mankind.
The tit for tat trick: Please let us not become characters from children’s stories. The reason marriage is the union between two adults is that we deal with issues like adults. He criticized me so I need to do it too will only make it uglier. Getting back at him will not solve any issue it will just give rise to new ones.
The family no.1 trick: The ‘whose family is better’ debate is a never ending one. Is there even an answer to it? Praising your family and criticizing his will not make a pleasant discussion. Now I now most of you will jump too ‘he does it too’ argument. Please refer to the tit for tat trick for a solution. The best family is the one you will make together.
The critic trick: “Oh my husband cooks so well but he leaves the kitchen in a mess.” “ He cleaned up the house but not upto my satisfaction”. Can we give credit where credit is due? Don’t we want appreciation? Don’t we complain how people never are satisfied with what we do? Do unto others what you want others to do to you.
The scissors trick: Most men get caught between the wife and the mother and almost all are unable to find the right way to deal with it. What we fail to realize is raving and ranting about the bothersome mother-in-law in front of her son is not going to change her. We spend most of our precious free time together cribbing about the in laws to the husband and then we complain that he never spends time with us. I think we are capable of dealing with our problems on our own. Our whole struggle is to become independent isn’t it? Then why demand that our husband supports us while dealing with your in-laws. Take control of the situation and find you own support.
Pray for your husband’s long life don’t make it seem longer…..